now she bE draessing the monkies like her
now shes givin those dammonkeys our bucket of ritz crackers
these monekys got 2 go
amdeus 2 came home with some party monkeys again
amadeus 2 came home and then i was all like get in your home and she was all like “already there” and we laughed
MY FIRST EVER PAID SOLO PROJECT!!!!!!! WENDY’S PAID ME IN FROSTIES!!!!
GURL gets arodun
new postcard from amaedus 2 came in my mail today and so did a catalogue from ll bean which is nice becaue its winter and in the winter time i wear the flannel and dress like an elementary school teacher from alaska
Q: “How did the idea to start Glitter Penis come about, anyway?” - Reyes
A: “grandma died in the summer of ‘96. left to me in her will was 3 things. a pack of wrigley’s bubblegum, a sack of indian head pennies, and a palate of priceless champagne she had inherited from her grandmother who inherited it from her grandmother before her. the champagne was old ass bubbly. so, like any self respecting man in his fifties, i had to try it. one thing led to another and before you know it i was knee deep in empty bottles and with wet cheeks from tears (i cry when drunk). pretty soon it sounded like a good idea to have that pack of wrigley’s bubblegum. so i ate about 4 sticks of that and started blowing bubbles. this is when the idea occurred to me. Bubblegum and bubbly. Why those two were left to me made sense. BUBBLES. but what the hell was up with the sack full of indian head pennies? that’s when i knew i had to go talk to chamois loranzo. chamois was an amateur coin collector and a bubble coniseur. if he didnt know the answer, no one would. So i packed up the remaining bottles of bubbly, hopped on my moped, and sped on down to chamois’ house. well i guess you know what happened next. i got in a wreck. never, ever moped when you’ve had 8 bottles of champagne. it doesn’t end pretty. my body was all sorts of wrapped up around a flagpole and you better believe that sack of indian head pennies sure enough fell out of my pocket, slammed into the ground, and sent pennies flying all over the road. priceless indian head pennies. before i could even peal myself up off the ground, old women were just mobbing me. “oh my god! are you okay!?!?” i was all “forget that! how’s my moped!!?!” and that’s when i heard it. one of the old ladies picked up one of my pennies and was all like, “jesus christ! is this what i think it is!?!?! is this an indian head penny?” and i was like “what do you know about indian head pennies!?” and she was like “what do you know about the mystery of the elephant man’s grave?” and at this point i just didnt know what to think. she leaned in close—i mean got right up in my face—and said, “run!” i said, “what!?” and she said, “you know too much! RUN! they’re coming!” and i said, “Who!? Who’s coming!?” she said, “there’s no time. you must meet me at the house of 5 gables when the waxing moon raises for the third time.” so whatever, i figured this crazy old woman must have age-appropriate dementia or something. this was all a bunch of gibberish. but hell, if you tell me to run, you better believe i run. so i grabbed all my pennies and the champagne and just started running. also, i heard the approaching sirens of the cops, which is probably the real reason i ran because it’s illegal to drink and moped. but i leave that part out of the story and say it was because of the curse of the elephant man’s grave. so there i am. at chamois loranzo’s doorstep panting and covered in blood. he answers the door and says, “my god man. you look terrible.” and i say, “you wouldn’t believe what i’ve been through.” he says, “come in. let me make you some tea.” and i was like “forget that! i got champagne!” so we got really really drunk. and i tell him the story of the evening. champagne, bubbly. wrigley’s gum, bubbles. and these indian head pennies and the mystery of the elephant man’s grave. chamois leans in. “did you say elephant man’s grave?” “yeah” “isn’t the elephant man buried at neverland ranch?” our eyes widen. and we say in unison, “Bubbles the chimp!” the indian head pennies made sense now. well… kind of. i mean all 3 items from the inheritance had something to do with bubbles. but it was a loose connection. what did it all mean? what was my dead grandmother trying to tell me from her grave? we paced back and forth by the fire all night. and i truly mean all night. trying to piece it all together. pretty soon we had drank the rest of the champagne. and had trouble focusing. champagne, bubbles. wrigley’s gum, bubbles. indian head pennies, elephant man, micheal jackson, bubbles. billy jean, bubbles. champagne. thriller. wrigley’s gum, elephant man, smooth criminal. the bass line to don’t stop ‘til you get enough. and then we just starting singing some MJ jams. and before you know it, me and chamois are piss drunk, naked, dancing in front of the fireplace and singing along to all these micheal jackson songs. and it was here that we were like, “Hey man! we should start a band!” and i was all like, “i like you. we get along. I LIKE YOU MAN!” and he was all like “I like you too!” and we hugged and cried. And thus glitter penis was formed.”
front of postcard
back of postcard
